Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ten Ways Younger Moms Are Different From Us

Literary legend has it that F. Scott Fitzgerald told Hemingway, "The rich are different from us." Literary legend has it Hemingway replied, "Yes. They have more money."

But aside from the obvious difference between younger moms and we late-bloomers -- they're, um, younger -- how are they a different species, exactly? Here's how:

1. They get tired. We get exhausted. And we do it before ten a.m.

2. They wash or discard any piece of their child's food that falls on the ground. We practice the "ten second rule." If it wasn't on the ground more than ten seconds, it's good eatin'.

3. Sometimes we practice the "twenty second rule."

3. They still think it's called a "vacation" when the kids come.

4. They can buy a pair of pants that fits over their hips without trying on, oh, say, twenty pairs.

5. Their kids wear pajamas. We encourage our kids to sleep in their school clothes. Trust us. It's a helluva time saver in the morning.

6. They make nutritious, home-cooked, free-range, organic dinners. We maintain an extensive file of take-out menus.

7. They write lengthy holiday letters documenting their famiy's doings, and add hand-written personal notes to all their friends and relatives. We're lucky to get an unsigned photo card in the mail by New Year's.

8. They are perky. We are not. Even on caffeine. Especially on caffeine. You don't want to be around us on caffeine.

9. Their kids wear brand-new matching outfits. We think hand-me-downs are gifts from God -- they cost nothing, and they don't involve a trip to the mall that inevitably results in you being the parent everyone else walks by pitying when your child is having a fit because it's time to leave and you didn't buy the kid a (FILL IN THE BLANK HERE).

10. When given the choice of sex with their partner or sleep, younger moms still choose sex.

What's that like?


Anonymous said...

How familiar it all sounds... and from my perspective... so distant...

Glad to see you've found an outlet for your need to write... and I note that you didn't get to it until 9 PM. That sounds familiar too...

Anonymous said...

New Trick - get take-out menus from the virtually home-cooked, free-range, organic dinner place!

Made me laugh...and I have some hand-me-downs for Thing 2.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for the "how come HE gets to be Thing 1" argument!


Karen said...

Ah, Hol. What a pleasure to be able to read your wonderful writing again. Having read previous scripts and columns from way back in our Brown days, I look forward to reading your insightful and humorous tales of mommyhood.

Greg Pincus said...

Welcome to the blogosphere! But I get tired-flashbacks just reading... which means you're doing something right, of course!

Anonymous said...

Hi Holly, thanks for inviting me to your blog! It feels like a perspective from another universe...since I had my son when I was 18, and he's now your age! I didn't feel like your image of a younger mom, though, being exhausted and definitely not perky, but then I was going to college and working at the same time. It all worked out in the end, and now you, me, and my son are all in the same union!
Good luck with your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi Holly,
Karen C's camp friend, Jennifer, here (and also Late Blooming Mom of twins, as you may recall). This (the blog in general) is terrific. I will be back. Glad to see you are at least finding the time to keep some of us entertained.